When I was a kid, the boogeyman was an unknown entity. It was the monster under the bed, or hiding in the closet, or following you around the dark house on a cold night. As an adult, I recognize that calling it the Boogeyman was basically giving a name to my childhood fears.
But things have changed since then. A lot.
Our children now have so many new things to be afraid of, and there is no need to give those things names, because the ones they have are scary enough. Why are you afraid of the dark? Because the world is a scary enough place in daylight, so why wouldn’t the lack of light make it even more scary? I’m not even going to list all the scary things that have evolved since I was a child, because it would take days and days for me to do it.
And now, on top of every-other scary thing, we have a terrible new sickness that is sweeping the globe, earthquakes literally rocking our world (in Utah, where we’re located), and every store, everywhere known to man, is completely out of toilet paper.
How is a child supposed to cope with all of that uncertainty? How is a parent?
Gone are the days when a plastic squirt bottle filled with “monster repellent” (aka scented water) could make the darkness feel less intimidating. The new Boogeyman has taken the form of utter destruction, on a world level, and a personal one.
So, what do we tell our children? How do we comfort them through this?
The truth is, the answer is going to be different for every parent, in every family, and every location on earth. I can’t tell you what to say, but I can give you some tips on how to approach the tender topic.
1. Stay calm yourself, even if you feel bucket-loads of fear. Your children feel your anxiety, and it only amplifies their own. If they feel that you are calm, they, too, will be able to find a place of calm. Feel your feelings (because that’s necessary) but try not to do so while your children are paying attention (which is during all their waking hours) because your panic will only cause them to panic too. As a parent, it’s up to you to set the tone.
2. Hold them when they need to feel safe, and hold them tight, to make sure they do. Nothing is more comforting to a person than being sheltered within the arms of the person who loves them most in the whole world. That’s you. You are their safety, and their world.
3. Give them room to create. You’re stuck at home. Maybe you have to work remotely, while trying to keep them occupied. It’s a tough balance, for sure. But when they come to you with a masterpiece of art that they’ve created using Snack Pac pudding and old spaghetti noodles—ooh and aah over it, and shower them with praise. You can throw their project away and clean up the disaster it caused later. Let them be creative with their fear, and then maybe they can release some of it.
4. Give them shelter. And by shelter, I mean help them create a safe space within your home. Maybe a corner of their bedroom, or a closet, or even a blanket fort in the living room. (Though, if you’re still having aftershocks from an earthquake, a blanket fort might not be the most secure shelter for them.) Stock the space with pillows, throw blankets, stuffed animals, and their favorite books, so that when they feel fear, they can go to that space and leave the fear outside of it.
5. Share only the most pertinent information with them. With so much to be afraid of in the world, we don’t need to give our children anything new. They don’t need to know how many people have died from this virus in Italy or China. They don’t need to know how many people are dying in your state, even. Tell them: there’s a sickness going around, so we need to be extra diligent about washing our hands and not touching other people. Tell them: We are trying to stay healthy so that the virus never comes into our home. Tell them: we have everything we need, and staying home together is going to be lots of fun. Do not tell them everything you hear on the news. Do not tell them you are worried about having water or canned goods or XYZ (fill in the blank). They are not your therapist, so do not share those things with them. That’s why therapists all over the place are now offering telehealth sessions—so you can talk to a real therapist, instead of your kids.
Stay calm, hold them, let them create, give them shelter, and share only what’s pertinent. Simple, but solid guidelines to alleviate some of the fear your children might be feeling. Other than that, enjoy your time at home with them. Time is something you can never get back, so cherish those moments while you still can. And whatever you do, do NOT give their fears a scary name like Boogeyman.
Stay healthy out there!
Nichole
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